Not being able to live is much worse than dying.

Fear. Fear. And more  Fear. 

Holding on to something. Anything. Grasp onto any shred of hope. Perhaps one day fear will no longer appear. But permanently reside and you will no longer feel its absence and its arrival. You can’t fear fear when that is all that there is to fear


Have it all 

You can have your god . You can have your faith . You can have your explanations that explain absolutely nothing but supply you with the excuse to move on. and you can have your senseless trust. You can choose to embrace yourself with this false sense of security and you can choose to decide and believe that everything happens in your favor as long as you believe even when they don’t, it is just better to repeat . You can ignore the truths screaming inside of you and all around you like you ignore the screams of those less fortunate and blessed than you . You can choose all of this and more and you can call yourself a true believer and a winner . You can choose all of this but it is only a choice that you have and that is more than a lot can say. And perhaps in that regards you are blessed to be born at an ignorant time where stupidity is rewarded and ignorance is praised as courage and strength. Hallelujah to all of us. And thank you god for your infinite kindness and for once again helping me find my wallet. So blessed .  


Down the third aisle you can stroll if you want to find some trolls giving away the jewels  

That aisle can hide the truth         

Like a child and a fairy stealing his tooth

Down that aisle we shop for smiles Pearly white, and perfectly aligned 

Down the third aisle we ask no proof to be filed                                 

No identification. We are never defiant 

Down the third aisle we each get a cart 

We shop till we drop 

Down another hole , another stage prop 

To be back in that place 

The third aisle where we are all packed and stacked 

Perfect cardboard boxes, freshly cut plastic smells. Awaiting the price tag for one’s denial. 

down the third aisle they can shop for us in piles 

If we just close our eyes , recite our  hymns and, pray for our buyers. 


– Excerpt –

–  Do you know what life is just like?

Well, Life is like a symphony. You may like it at first, even relate to it. It may conjure some living-like spirit of thoughts and emotions that holds you so deep. You feel you are right back there. So you feel safe again and think it is so soothing and mellow, slow yet rhythmic and in every delay and lingering in each note there is an absolute thrusting climax to be attained at the end of it , you enjoy it to the fullest at first. Then minute by minute it keeps going faster and faster, yet you still like it. Until it gets even faster, a little bit too fast for you, perhaps a bit obtrusive now. Your heart is beating and your senses are barely keeping up with the melody. Then your senses are barely keeping up with the memory of its need to keep up with that melody. Then a sharp cold tingly feeling comes hurling down your spine. It is so discomforting you don’t feel as safe and guarded anymore. And that’s so scary when there is nowhere to turn to in order to escape this. A shelter of some sort. Even for a little while. So you try and pause it, over and over again, until suddenly amidst your desperate attempts to lower the volume, rewind and/or pause it, it just stops. Only you are not ready, as it simply and promptly stops.  It is over and you did nothing because there was nothing to be done. And that’s not enough for you. It is not fair, that you are left behind. Once again, and this time for the last time you are late again. You couldn’t catch up. But as a selfish child you don’t care for your incompetence, you want the ride to wait for you to hop on. You want more of the pleasure and undoubtedly the thrill.  You want to make it, to succeed so you never have to face the facts and taste the failure and helplessness when that is all that is left on your plate.  As there is no more for you, and nothing more is to be said or done. So you try and remember the good times you had , the passing fleeting moments of satisfaction you had throughout the symphony that high rise that brought back to the moments where, you truly felt alive. And the thought crosses your mind every once in a while: if you can only pause it, and change it a little bit. Adjust it to your liking and needs, lower the volume, or set it in slow motion. such an uplifting thought. But unfortunately you must know by now that you can’t. No one can.