Isak Danielson- Silence.

Speak up to the silence. We never wanted violence.

We have to stay united . No one left outside.

For us to overcome the things that we have done

I want to see the change before I die and lose my voice.

The Smiths – Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

So, tell me how long 
Before the last one? 
And tell me how long 
Before the right one? 

The story is old – I know 
But it goes on 
The story is old – I know 
But it goes on

2020

What is truly universal about the human experience.

If We don’t know how we feel. We don’t know what we feel and we surely don’t know why we feel?..

How many of us will never get to tell their story.

How many of us can never have an audience. Not even listening to ourselves.

How many of us try to outrun these voices up the hills and end up breathless begging for a break.

Away from These demons, they are not to be welcomed and fed. They are to be ignored, starved and hope to one day perish before we are forced to drag our feet back down the hills.

How many of us are forced to hide our truths even from ourselves. Specially From the merciless judges, juries and executioners forever residing in our heads.

How many of us go into a different battle everyday and every night only to end up missing the beginning and the end of the war.

How many of us are only left with the intangible wreckage left behind and that is all we can wish to feel.

How many of us are hurting but can’t accept the relief . Can’t give in to the fear.

Every year we set goals. This year is ours and that year has passed with lessons to be kept, cherished and learnt from.

This year will be different and one day will grant us the thing we are looking for.

If we can only reach a glimpse of it.

The thing that will make us whole and complete.

It’s the thing we truly need, crave and are readily willing to bleed for.

The thing that will make every horrible thought bow down to it and surrender, just leave.

But it’s these bad thoughts that we all suffer from. It’s these bad feelings we can’t escape. It’s the truths behind our existence that we are ashamed of being terrified of.

These truths are not uplifting. These truths are not helpful. These truths don’t make good slogans and these truths don’t make for inspirational quotes.

And so We are never destined to accept relief. We are never going to grant ourselves or others the choice to truly leave.

We are forever setting goals and missing the deadlines by years.

For so long as we breathe we will continue to make-believe that everything is happening for a reason and we will be free.

We just gotta start again and never give up. Because that will mean defeat.

And that will make for a universal force to feel.

….So happy new year and goodbye to the fear. This year is ours because we are here. Happy. Blessed. Loved?

That’s what we seem to need to hear so let’s wait for it to finally appear.

Any time now.

L

Can I ask you something ?

What do you think is going to happen now?

Do you think there’s going to be some sort of revelation as to why we do the things we do ?

Like there is some sort of logic behind things?

… A reason if you wish for us to find ? A purpose in life? Like there is some sort of order to existence ?

Like if we really try hard and we really discipline ourselves we will somehow be less shallow ? Less ignorant ? Less dissatisfied ? Less bleak ? Less undone ?

…If you look at life and all its “miracles” one thing becomes abundantly clear; we are not a part of it. We are merely spectators. And our infatuation with life and nature is nothing but a testament to our own shortcomings, Inabilities and ignorance.

We truly are “less”.

…Less capable if we posses any capability to begin with.

Less knowledgeable if we are even sure of what we think we know. Or how we know it.

Less here and less there. Just less.

So the next time you think about imparting your wisdom onto others you deem “less” take a long look at yourself. The self in and of itself.

And no , I don’t mean embarking on a journey of self-discovery, no something much more simpler;

Just the truth of who you really are, not wish to be. But are, And you will see that you, like all of us, are less.

Wait

She never believed in the power of imagination. Never thought her toys were real. Never felt a bond or a need for that one stuffed elephant or purple giraffe. Never cared for barbies or doll houses. Never felt she had the right to be so silly.

So it was rather funny when the one day she decided to tuck herself in a bed barricaded with all the toys and stuffed animals she ever had. To try and feel safe, try and protect herself from the unknown surrounded by those familiar squishy faces buried in those colorful beings, that very same night the big brown bear appeared.

In the dead silence of the night when she thought it just might have worked; That perhaps magic was real and her story was finally one with a happy ending.

However, that was a short lived fantasy; one That disappeared ever so fast when the big brown bear wondered why she was talking to herself. The bear growled trying to sound concerned. She was confused didn’t know she was even making a sound. She nonetheless , said she was having a nightmare. Truth be told she had been living in one her entire life.

But you see .. that’s something that No real big brown bear would believe seeing how she wasn’t even asleep. But this big brown bear seemed to agree stood up and said she should come with him, leave the toys in her bed and sleep in his den.

For he too, was alone that night. The goose was nowhere to be found and who knew when or if she would ever come back.

The big brown bear can protect the little girl from her nightmare, The big brown bear wasn’t a stuffed one laying in her bed. He was the real deal. He was the big strong brown bear.

And to think she thought the toys could protect her and replace the goose. Forced to leave her toys behind she said goodbye that night. As she summoned the courage to walk hand in hand with the big brown bear, hopped in his bed and it was time to sleep.

Surely the bear would fall asleep soon enough but not before his big hairy hand started to wander off .

But then again, she thought it was night time and asleep she should have been a long time ago, had she not believed that magic was real and toys and stuffed animals could protect and keep her safe.

Silly girl was stuck now, once again a victim of her own foolishness. The bear was on a hunt and she can do nothing but pretend to be dead and wait it out.

Pretend to be asleep is what she did knowing she was in the wrong to feel his hands as it was late at night past her bedtime. She was in the wrong and should not disturb the bear who had every right to be awake, unlike her.

The night was long and even though she knew would eventually end, she just didn’t feel like morning would ever come much like the goose. But She just had to wait it out. Just wait it out.

…And maybe grow up and realize that toys can’t protect. Bears will always hunt and the goose never asked for the burden of the golden egg and must be protected from knowing her misfortune is shared. Golden eggs only exist to be served one way or another.

And Just like how the big brown bear had the right stay up all night, the goose too, had every right to leave her toys behind when the nightmares would crawl in her nest.